Good Parenting is More Than Luck

I’ve had so many people admire my relationship with my son Orion and wish they shared the honesty, closeness, and trust with their own child or parents. Others praise the close relationship I have with my daughter-in-law Nichola. They wish they could be so lucky and fortunate. Grandparents long for the time and quality relationship Doug and I share with our grandson Sebastian.

Parents who come to me for coaching feel uncertain or powerless when it comes to creating a joyous relationship with their child. Mothers come to me feeling overwhelmed with what feels like an impossible situation with their child.

Instead of trust and closeness, families often experience deep resentment and hard feelings between parents and their children, especially as their child matures into adolescence and adulthood and they become more aware of their true feelings toward their parents and the way they were raised as children.

The relationships with in-laws, especially mothers-in-law, are notorious for their difficulty. In fact, relationships with mothers-in-law often separate children from their own parents.

It can look like luck and good fortune when you don’t know what’s gone into making a joyous family happen. Over the last 33 years, I’ve focused on essential guidelines to create the relationship I now share with Orion and his family.

I promise you. What we have did not occur by chance. It has taken conscious communication and a deep willingness and desire on everyone’s part to share the trust, honesty, love and joy we now have as a family.

You can do something beginning today. These close, delightful relationships begin with the emotional foundation you create when your child is born (I would even say before your child is born) and continue throughout your lifetime.

Here are four quick tips to empower you to share the joy and love you most desire with your child. These tips will help keep you from wasting precious time as the years go speeding by.

If you want to begin to take action now to create a joyous relationship with your child that will last a lifetime, here are some things I’ve done to create what I share with our kids.

1. Make your emotional connection with your child one of your highest priorities. Nothing has a greater, more positive impact in your relationship and in your child’s success and joy in life.

When you share a positive emotional connection, you have a tremendous positive impact in your child’s life. He wants to be with you, even when he is a teen and into adulthood. He trusts you and looks to you for guidance in times of uncertainty and hardship. You all pull together and work together as an honest, deeply trusting family.

2. Understand what’s happening with your child emotionally. Without this, you can mistakenly believe you’re on track and miss your child entirely. Too often parents believe everything is okay, only to painfully discover in adolescence and adulthood, the lack of true understanding they had with their child.

This is one of the biggest challenges for parents. As a culture, we don’t know a lot about our emotions and how to create authentic, trusting relationships with our children or our spouse. With this information, you have a deeply positive effect on your child and life she creates for herself.

3. Admire your child for the unique and amazing person she is. Admiration and appreciation help her to flourish and to feel loved. She sees her beauty mirrored back to her in your eyes.

4. Honesty is always the best policy. Without this, your child knows on a deep level that he cannot trust you. Mutual trust and respect is the firmest foundation you can create with your child.

You Are in the Driver’s Seat Whether You Know It or Not

I’ve created a powerful, trusting loving relationship with my now 33-year-old son Orion, daughter-in-law Nichola and grandson Sebastian using these and other essential principles. There is nothing more important to me than my relationship with them. They bless Doug’s and my life daily. Such a delightful joy to cherish what we have all created together!

You can have this with your child also. The choice is yours. Life will always bring changes filled with new opportunities and challenges. The only way to get through these with a renewed and stronger connection with your child of any age is to create a relationship of honest, open trust, love, and regard for one another. One that nurtures your child’s and your own Emotional Wholeness.

If you want more harmony with your child both now and in the future, develop a joyous emotional foundation with your child starting today. It is never too late to begin, no matter how old your child. Your heart will be profoundly touched by the closeness you create.

Copyright 2009 Connie Allen

Connie Allen, M.A. of Joy with Children. Connie helps parents and educators who are unsure how to best empower their child. . For information on how you can nurture the joyous inner spirit of children, subscribe to her free e-newsletter Visit her blog at

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